Is it just me? Are you the scapegoat in your family?
Hello, I'm John! I explain difficult topics about money and health in an easy-to-understand way.
This may seem sudden, but have you ever felt this way within your family?
"Why is it always me who is blamed?"
"Whenever my family gets together, I always feel like I'm the one being made out to be the bad guy..."
"My siblings are forgiven, but I'm the only one who gets criticized..."
If you ever feel this way, you may be unconsciously being made a scapegoat by your family.
ScapegoatThe word originally comes from an ancient Jewish ritual in which people's sins were placed on a goat and sent into the wilderness.Putting all the blame on a specific person as an "outlet" for dissatisfaction or problems within a groupIt's like a "sacrifice" that has to bear the bad parts of everyone else.
Today, we'll look at some signs that you might be a scapegoat in your family and how to protect yourself if you are.
9 Signs You're a Scapegoat in Your Family
Home is a very closed space. Therefore, even if strange rules have become commonplace, it can be hard to notice them. Check how many of the following signs apply to you.
- 1. They always blame you
Whenever something goes wrong in the household -- a family trip gone wrong, someone is in a bad mood, etc. -- you're always the one being blamed, even for things that you're not directly involved in. - 2. Your successes and positive qualities aren't recognized
If you get promoted at work or achieve something, your family will ignore it or belittle it. They'll try to diminish your worth by saying things like, "You were just lucky" or "It's no big deal." - 3. Constant criticism
They criticize everything from your personality to your appearance to your choices, as if there is always something wrong with you. - 4. They treat you differently than your other siblings.
Your other siblings are treated as the "golden child" and praised no matter what they do, but you are always compared and looked down upon. - 5. Your feelings and opinions are ignored
Even if you feel sad or angry, you are dismissed and told you are "overthinking it" or "worrying too much" and are not taken seriously. Your opinion is never taken into account in family decisions. - 6. Being labeled a "problem child" or "eccentric"
They are labeled as "difficult to handle since childhood" or "emotional" and are treated as the "black sheep" within the family. - 7. Your family keeps pushing their own shortcomings onto you
They blame you for their own shortcomings (such as short temper or selfishness). In psychology, this is called "projection." - 8. Being isolated or ostracized
I am intentionally left out of important family conversations and events. Even though I am part of the family, I always feel lonely. - 9. People keep telling you about your past mistakes
You may be blamed for small mistakes you made years ago, and the whole family may be confirming that you are a failure.
If this applies to you, here's what you can do to protect yourself
If you recognize some of the signs, don't despair. This is not your fault, but the result of a dysfunctional family. There are things you can do today to protect yourself.
1. First, realize that it's not your fault
The most important thing is to understand that this situation is not your fault. You are not to blame. It is just the family system trying to balance things out by making you the scapegoat.
2. Draw a mental boundary
This is not a physical wall, but an image of drawing a line in your mind that says, "Don't come in here." In response to unreasonable criticism or demands from your family, it is important to express your intentions quietly but clearly, saying, "I can't accept that opinion" or "I don't want to talk about that." It may take courage at first, but it is an important step to protect yourself.
3. Stop seeking approval from your family
People who are scapegoated tend to hope that "they will understand one day" or "if I try hard, they will accept me." Unfortunately, however, it may be unlikely that they will change. Stop chasing their approval and start focusing on accepting yourself.
4. Create a "safe space" outside of your family
Cherish your relationships with people who appreciate you and accept you as you are, such as trusted friends, partners, and hobby friends. Having a place for you outside of your family can be a great emotional support.
5. Get professional help
If it's too hard to handle on your own, seeking the help of a professional, such as a counselor or therapist, can be a very effective method. They can help you sort out your situation from an objective perspective and support your emotional recovery.
From the author John
Family is something we should ideally want to be our biggest supporters. However, sometimes it can be the most complicated and hurtful place for human relationships. If you feel pain after reading this article, it is a sign of your courage to seriously face yourself. Don't bear it alone, but start by taking care of yourself.
This article is based on the following original articles and is summarized from the author's perspective:
Are You The Scapegoat Of Your Family? 9 Glaring Signs
& What to Do